KIDS AND TWEENS

Shani - Confidence/Sports

Dear Shykids, I was wondering if you could give me some advice on a situation. This year, I tried out for a club basketball team. Luckily, I made the team, but I didn't know any of the girls personally before I tried out. I was so psyched when I made it because this is the team I've wanted to be on forever. I'm having kinda of a hard time adjusting to the team. I was one of two new people to be added to the team this year. I made the team in January and we've been playing together since March, but I still don't know any of them that well. I'm so quiet around them, and I act so different from myself.

On my club volleyball team and at school I'm really loud. You can't get me to stop talking then. I use to be really shy in middle school, but since I've been in high school, I thought I lost most of my shyness. I think I'm so quiet around them because I'm a little intimidated by them. Plus, I didn't know any of them before I tried out. I had just seen them play. All of the girls are awesome basketball players, and the team is one of the best teams in the US. I really want to be accepted my them, and I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself to fit in (that hasn't helped at all). The girls are all really nice, and they started asking me why I'm so quiet. I really need to start knowing them really well because I'm going to be with them a ton this summer. Plus, I need to stay on this team if I want to get a scholarship for basketball in college. I'm sorry this letter is soooooo long, but I really need some advice. I tried some tips on overcoming my
shyness, but it didn't really affect much. Please help me!!!! Thanks so much for listening!
~ Shani

Dear Shani, It sounds like you've come a long way in overcoming your shyness. The fact that you tried out for this team means your self confidence is where it should be.

Anybody in this situation would feel intimidated at first, but try to remember that YOU MADE THE TEAM. Keep in mind that if this is one of the best teams in the U.S., the try outs must be difficult. You passed. You are one of them now.

Since your teammates have been asking why you're so quiet, do tell them. You might want to let them know that you think they're really awesome and you're not sure how you fit in. Since this team is one of the best, it must have gotten that way because of outstanding team play and spirit. You couldn't ask for a better group of people to help you feel you belong and help you improve your game. Ask them questions about plays they make or how they think you could improve part of your game.

And remember that forming friendships and team relationships does take time. If these girls have been playing together for a while, they can probably read each other pretty well on the court. This would make anyone feel left out. But remember, you won't feel this way for too long. You've only been playing with them for two or three months. If you look back to other teams you've been on, you might remember that it does take several games before a team feels really together.

Time probably will take care of this problem. By the end of the summer, you'll likely feel like a real member of the team and be thinking that you're pretty awesome too. Good luck!